I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
