she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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