imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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