I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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