Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
