I didn't shave. On purpose
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
