If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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