Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she told me i tasted like america
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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