I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
