Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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