I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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