I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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