I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
