You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
