3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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