Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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