i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
