Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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