if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
