Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
