Kareoke will never be a sober sport
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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