her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize