New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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