Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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