____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
