I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
