You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
