I am in a vortex of obligation.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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