the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping