I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
