i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i love accidental penises.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
