dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
