he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this