I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
