Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
