C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
