Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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