: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
