So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
