Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
