somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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