I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
