I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
