I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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