Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
