I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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