I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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