so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
