Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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