Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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