Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
