now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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