That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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