Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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