Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
