Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
