Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
