Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You can't special order awesome
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
