She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize