Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
