you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
