Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
