Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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