Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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