u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
