Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
